3 insights for leaders who like to rescue
Are you someone who enjoys solving problems? Including the problems of others? Perhaps you gain personal satisfaction from helping your team when they become stuck? And at the same time, maybe you feel stretched and exhausted, and wonder why your team keeps relying on you and don’t step up to the plate?
In our experience, one of the most significant challenges facing leaders is this: they (sometimes secretly) enjoy solving problems…it makes them feel clever, valued, and needed by those they lead. But at the same time, they are often personally exhausted and frustrated that their staff keep coming to them and wonder why they can’t just figure it out on their own.
If this sounds like you or someone you know, it is possible that the ‘heroic leader’ is in play - the white knight part of you that likes to jump in and save the day.
Why do we strive to be a hero in leadership?
Our heroic impulses often arise from the best of intentions. We want to help, we want to solve, we want to fix.
And often, our technical expertise and ‘smarts’ is what has got us to where we are today - in a position of leadership. We have been reinforced throughout our career for our intellect - promoted, given more power, responsibility, people to ‘manage’, a higher salary, maybe even shares in the company….so what on earth happens when we take on a position of leadership? Is being a hero really what’s needed in leadership?
Here are three things to think about when wanting to rescue in leadership:
Insight #1: We hold misconceptions about heroic leadership
We often hold the following assumptions about leadership, including that:
Leaders have the answers;
Leaders know what to do;
People do what they’re told;
High risk requires high control;
The more you are paid the more answers you’ll have;
As situations become more complex and difficult, power needs to shift to the top (to the CEO who will know what to do).
These assumptions are reflected in the titles we often give those who perform leadership, such as “Directors” and “Managers” (aka. ‘tellers’ and ‘controllers’).
It isn’t surprising we might hold these assumptions - we only need to reflect on our childhood to realise that as kids, we looked to our parents (hero’s) to protect us and provide us with the answers. The role of our parents was to teach us about the world, answer our ‘why’ questions, protect us from danger and risk, and take control of situations if there was a chance we might hurt ourselves.
The real question is - are these assumptions true? Whilst being a hero to a child might work in parenting, often the opposite is true for leadership.
Insight #2: Heroic leadership and rescuing is no longer effective
Rescuing and being a hero has a lot of upsides…the problem gets solved quickly, probably really effectively, and we feel good about doing it.
The downsides? If you make it a habit of always solving problems for others, you teach them to come to you for solutions at the first sign of a challenge. Your people and organisation become dependent on you. Dependence = no growth of your people = no growth of your organisation. Productivity and motivation are quashed, and people become executors of your directives rather than independent and creative thinkers.
In addition, our environment is becoming increasingly complex, and todays adaptive problems (e.g. COVID-19) are impossible to solve by one heroic individual. This is making rescuer-leaders feel stressed, overwhelmed and non-equipped for the challenges ahead.
Whilst we may have started our careers as hero’s for our expertise, in leadership, a different approach is needed.
Insight #3: Move from the Drama Triangle to the Empowerment Triangle
Rescuing your staff puts you into the ‘Drama Triangle’ (below): your staff are the victim who have a problem they can’t solve, there may be perpetrator(s) who caused the problem, and your job as their leader to ‘rescue’ and solve the problem for them. In this cycle, you may even switch roles and eventually play the victim, with your people becoming the perpetrators by not ‘stepping up’ and causing you to be stressed or burnt out.
In leadership, we are leading adults, not children….and often people at work are recruited for their independence, expertise, passion, motivation and effectiveness. Instead of viewing your people as victims, view them as competent, capable adults who have a challenge - as shown in the ‘Empowerment Triangle’ (below). Reframe your role as rescuer (problem solver) to coach (fostering learning and growth). Or, in situations where your people lack skills or technical expertise, mentor them.
If you want to become a strong leader, let go of your rescuer tendencies (this is hard but possible!), master the skills of coaching (this is easier!) and reframe your mission to be about learning, rather than just the result.
Stop feeding your people. Teach them how to fish!